Greetings and Saluatations fellow bloggers, friends and family. Happy Wednesday! Despite the fact that today has some unsavory items on the menu of life, I remain relatively upbeat…for now.
My six week check up with my surgeon is on Friday and it is weighing on my mind. LOL. I can’t believe it has been six weeks already! Of course on the other hand, I can’t believe it’s only been six weeks…some wondrous things have happened in the last six weeks; some wondrous, exciting, exhilarating things. I think now is as good a time as any to take a moment and reflect on some of those things. I guess the first thing would really be just the sheer amount of weight I have lost so far, 361 (post surgery) to 319 (this morning). I am wearing my favorite jeans from two years ago!!! I literally haven’t worn them for almost two years and now they are getting loose…CRAZY! The jeans I had worn to the hospital the day of surgery (which were snug then) have since gone the way of the samuri – gone baby gone, about three weeks ago. It’s exciting, without buying a single stitch, my closet choices have expanded hugely. Next on my list of awe is the ability to physically move, I am no longer looking for the closest parking spot. I am not running out of breath climbing up the stairs. How exciting to reach the top and not have to take a couple of minutes to catch my breath. The next change is the most exciting and it has been a mental hurdle more than any of the others. I am not hiding out anymore. I had stopped going places, stopped visiting with friends, stopped joining them for fun outings out of fear and shame. It is hard to explain on some level. I gained the majority of this weight over a long period of time so in some ways I was kind of numb to it…I got to gradually get used to being the degree of fat and the shape of fat that I was so it never curtailed my social activities but I gained 50 lbs in the last year and a half and that was different. First, the weight came on so fast. Second, the weight gain coincided with the time that I left a longtime career and a group of women I had know for a long time. I came up with all kinds of reasons to not see them after that because I knew they would be concerned and I couldn’t bear to see that look in their eyes. (By the way, I know this was unfair to both them and myself. I had no right to judge them and what their reactions might or might not be and I cheated myself out of an invaluable support system. I regret this decision but it is what it is.) Third, I didn’t have any answers to give them as to why I was gaining weight so rapidly. Fourth, I was flat out scared. I finally went to a doctor and found out all kinds of things regarding what was happening. That was the first step. From there things really steam-rolled forward. The point of that little story is to emphasize how big this change really is. I feel good in my own skin. I weigh a few pounds less than I did when the drastic weight gain began but I haven’t just dropped weight, I have dropped fear as well. The fear, the sadness, the disillusionment, the shame…all of it gone. For the first time in a long time I feel like nothing is holding me back. Can you imagine what I will be like when I hit the 200’s? The 100’s? I’ll be insuffereable that’s what! I will be rediculous! Rediculous and happy!
So I will go in on Friday for my six week check up. I hope my labs are good, I hope my surgeon is proud but most of all I look forward to having another notch in my belt. One more notch that says I am moving forward in my life.
So, “Happy Wednesday” people! Happy Wednesday to us all!
Much Love and general good well wishing…JustJil
Shut Your Piehole... 