Life among other things goes on. Nothing astounding to report. Just happy. Just healthy (I hope…lol). I have my 6 month check-up with my surgeon next Friday the 31st. I am both excited and a little bit askeered! For those of you doing the math that is well over my 6 month date because I kept running into snags where getting my labs done was concerned. So I will actually be a month and a half past 6 months but oh well…I am anxious. I want to know that my body is responding well. I want to know that my insides are establishing some sort of equalibrium. I want to be fine, just fine.
On the weightloss front I am still good, really good. Far better than I ever dreamed. I still have more to lose. I still struggle with the idea that whereas I am so much smaller my body is…let’s just call it like it is…creepy. It’s like my body is a hallowe’en costume…lol…just a creepy one at least and not flat out horrifying! I am getting past it. It is funny how we see ourselves so very differently than others see us. Our vision of our bodies is so very skewed. It helps to have someone who loves you, who can see past the sags and just sees you for who you are and who you are becoming. I am happy with what I see when I am in my favorite jeans because it draws everything in and tightens it and makes the package all shiny and happy and lovely. the way I look sans jeans…not so much but like I said, I am working on it.
I don’t blog as I should, I don’t comment as I should but still I want all of you to know…What a comfort you all are to me…Sharing your struggles and your triumphs…Giving this surgery a face, giving it humanity. I love you all…thank you for lifting me up.
This is a completely WLS unrelated post. A number of people have been asking for details about Jason and I and our story.
So here it is…
I placed a personals ad a couple of months ago on Yahoo…had many dates, most of them good, some second dates even some third and fourth dates but none of them right. I am nearly 35 my biological clock is out of control. Frustrating. I was beginning to wonder if it was even part of God’s plan for me to have a mate ( look back a few posts and you can read that pretty loud and clear) still I prayed a lot for His will to be done and for me to be able to recognize the answer when it presented itself. In short, despite overwhelming odds to the contrary I never gave up hope. One day I did a search to see what was out there on Yahoo, I glanced through profiles and I came across one of this cute guy, with a good profile but where it selected the body type of the girl he was looking for it said average, let me say I am many things, my body is many things, average is not one of them. So I ducked back out and logged off. Lo and behold when I got up the next morning there was a note from him. He had seen that I looked at his profile and though quite shy at times he liked my ad and thought I was cute and took the plunge and wrote me. I was surprised but pleased. We wrote back and forth a number of times that day, it was a Sunday. The next day he called me on my lunchbreak and we talked for the whole hour and decided to go ahead and meet for dinner that evening. I wasn’t nervous at all which is unlike me, just excited. So we arrived at the same time actually, I had hoped to beat him there. Got out of our respective cars…had a hug and went inside. Dinner was good. The conversation was good. He was very attractive, much more so even than his pictures and I found myself blushing furiously through about half of the meal. Before dinner was even over he had said he enjoyed it and asked if I would like to go out again. I didn’t hesitate to say yes…I had an odd feeling during dinner that I refused to try to put my finger on but I would figure it out soon enough. We walked out to our cars, we hugged again, he told me to drive safely and asked if he could call later that evening. I said of course. Later that evening when Jason called we decided to go out to dinner again the next evening. After we hung up that night, I couldn’t sleep. I was out of my mind nervous…things had somehow changed during that phone call and that second date became really important really fast.
Let me just throw in as an aside that I have never been a believer of love at first sight or anything like that. I have known many people that have said when they knew, they knew. There was no question about it. It just simply was and it isn’t necessarily that I didn’t believe them per say so much as I did not expect that to be my path. So having said that I can honestly tell you, when you know, you know! And now back to the story…
So we met the next night and when I saw him, my heart stopped. So cliche but true and it hit me like the old proverbial ton of bricks. I knew. Just like that. Withought warning, without fear. I looked into his eyes and I knew this was the man I was going to marry. Do you know how freaked out I was during dinner? Prattling on about Lord knows what like a complete ninny but everytime I looked at him, it was there. Dinner was lovely, and when we walked out to the car he put his arm around me and it felt like coming home. We stood by my car for awhile talking and finally as he was holding my hands he asked if he could kiss me…I said yes and the rest is history because at that moment I was done. We both cancelled our ad’s the next day and we have been together since that day.
We have plans. We have a future. We both knew it that night and we both had the courage to not freak out and run the other way. We both feel like it is God’s will…I have met his dad, he has met my brother. There is a lot more meeting that will take place. His mom and step dad, my dad and stepmom and just family in general…we have met a few friends of each other but mostly we just enjoy our time together. We cook together some nights, run errands, you know the stuff that is life. Jason is beautiful, it can be intimidating at times because I am above all things not perfect and I am in the midst of a gigantic personal overhaul and my body although smaller is more odd than it ever has been and you know what? He still desires me and he loves me for me. I see it in his eyes when he looks at me. I don’t doubt it. I see it and I know.
So there you have it…that is our story…or rather the beginning of our story. There is much to be written but I know that it will be written together. I know that we will have trials to face and crosses to bare but we will not be alone because our paths have joined each other.
I love him without question, without reservation and without fear. I was so wrong about God’s plan…thankfully…as always, His plan for me was always greater than my own.
Love and hugs to all of you who care so much for me…JustJil
March 20th 2008 – 373 lbs
October 14th 2008 – 221 lbs
I have never been all that good at math my friends but HOLY COW…152 lbs down in just under 7 months!!! Who knew that was even possible… 🙂
Someone pinch me…seriously!
…and for those who want to know…this is Jason…he is my someone…
Love you all…justjil
So I have been bad…only one post in practically two months…It’s not even that I didn’t have anything to say…more along the lines of not wanting to take the time to write it…sigh…so yes, I am bad, I have been told by many and accept it as the truth that it is…lol…after all the proof is in the blog…
So here is my attempt to right the wrongs, to turn back time, to redeem myself for my blogging attrocities commited against humanity. Drama Queen much…yep!
Well as far as the weightloss goes…I am down to 229…which is 144 lbs lost…do you think that there is a possible link between posts written and weight lost. Like the more you lose, the more you are out and about living life, the less you are writing about being out and about living life? I think there is a definite correlation…of course that’s probably so I can let myself off the hook for blogging irresponsibility…lol
In other news…I have met someone…and all is good and right in the world…life goes on…
My love to all of you out there in the cosmos…justjil