Someone who can, show me I am one of his needs…

The husband has returned…bring on the giddiness and joy.  It’s true…we are newlyweds after all…

We are newlyweds and yet…we aren’t new.  In some ways I feel like we have been at this for a long time…not in the sense that we know each other in and out or that we have only shared experiences now…but more over because we have been playing the hello/goodbye game since the beginning…as much as a pain in the ass as planning the wedding was (and if you have read any previous posts, you will know exactly how whiny I was and how tedious I found the whole process) and how long it took to orchestrate it all…the wedding itself was essentially wedged in between…Jason heading out on his work hitches…he came home a week and a half before the wedding, we got married, we left for a 6 days for the honeymoon, we came home on a Friday night and he left that Sunday and was gone four weeks…came home for three weeks and was gone two months…basically…the wedding was a blip in the calendar of our life…I am glad we had one, I am glad we are legal, I am glad there were witnesses but it has not changed our day to day life.  The ins and outs remain the same.  I was not really expecting it to change things but at the same time it’s a little surprising that life really did just continue on it’s merry way…if there weren’t so many pictures capturing the day…it might not really exist at all…

I am not sure where all of this is headed, I am not unhappy or dissatisfied…I guess I am just in a state of musing.  Jason has been home for almost a week now…I love when he is home…but I will be honest…as bad as it is and as much as I hate that it happens…the moment he steps foot back on land, for me the countdown til he leaves again begins…and it is not that I am looking forward to his leaving…I know some women would be and I understand that…but I am not one of them…yet….I say yet only because almost everyone I know, assures me that I someday will be but I have my doubts about that.  To the contrary I hate that he is going to leave and it taints the time we do have together a little bit…he had only been home a couple of days, after having been gone almost 2 full months when his office called him and wanted to know when he would be ready to go back into the work rotation…he told them that he would not be willing to go back out until after July 4th…so I know that I have at least until then…unless the NAVY calls and wants to contract him again and then he basically has to go…you just don’t say “No” to the NAVY…at the end of the day, the point of this is that I have a difficult time trying to live fully in the moment.  I am a planner by nature…for years I lived exclusively out of my organizer…I don’t really do that anymore but I am still a planner at heart…and as we gear up for him to head back out…I often check off my mental checklist how many things he is going to miss, birthdays, holidays, Mondays, Tuesdays, weekends…it is just very difficult for me not to have his departure at the back of my mind…

When he is home…I know that I am the heart of his world…I am at the center of every decision he makes, every meal he partakes of, errand that he runs, improvement that he makes to the house…when he is gone he tells me (when we are allowed communication) that I am on his mind every waking moment.

So why can’t I check it at the door and live for the moment while he is home?  It bugs me that I always have that nagging voice in the back of my mind saying, it’s only temporary…I know it’s a defense mechanism…but it’s annoying all the same.

He plans to go to school this fall…I am looking forward to it…but even that will be temporary…he will take a leave of absence from work for the time he is in school, rotating semesters, school one  semester and then returning to work for one semester and then school and then work and so on and so forth…until he is done…

I am looking forward to that time but there is also apprehension present…

On to other topics…My mom is an Assisted living program now…she went in last Wednesday…no drama so far…I pray with everything I have in me that it works out…I have two weeks to empty out her apartment…that is going to be a process…but it must be done…

My dad and Becky are coming home for the 4th of July weekend…and that will be great…her chemo seems to be going relatively well…she will have her 3rd round the day after they get back and then they will schedule her mastectomy…she has lost her hair and has bought a few wigs…she doesn’t want the grandkids to know she is sick…I can’t blame her but I think Sabrina (my brother Peter’s oldest daughter) is old enough to know…she will be 9 in a couple of months…but that is Becky’s decision…

Other than that, life goes on…

Daisy (our beagle) is good…Remy (our puppy) is an annoying little cuss…I am almost positive that she will grow out of it…almost…but she is awfully cute when you don’t want to wring her little neck…lol

Anyway…this post really is all about checking in…and making sure you guys know we are alive and relatively speaking, well!

Love ya all out there…

J

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