…the sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow…there’ll be sun…

So…it’s been awhile…

Check, check…is this thing on?

Crickets Chirping…

I deserve that…lol…

So here is the thing.

I got married March 6th…2010…but then you already knew that.  Jason started going to school in August…God Bless the GI Bill 🙂  So it has been nice having him home…consistently…

Let’s see…anything else?  Hmmm…Oh yeah, I am pregnant!  The whole doctor telling us that it was not going to happen thing…not so much…We are due in two months…two weeks before our first anniversary!  We are thrilled, over the moon, so very excited…clearly God had different ideas about our lives than the doctor did.  It was a surprising and amazing thing to find out, after having been told for 15+ years that I would not be able to have children on my own that I was indeed carrying a baby.  The word “shock” cannot fully relay how I felt…

The pregnancy has been an adventure for sure…I feel pretty good.  Of course we are coming down the home stretch now and I am tired and I don’t ever want to pee again…EVER!  The first part of the pregnancy came off without a hitch…I had bad morning sickness…in fact it was so bad that it carried over from morning into noon and night for the first 6 1/2 months…lol…everyday, all day long…whew.  Thankfully that passed a few weeks ago.  Other than that all has been good.  We are having a girl, her name is : Anna Paige…she is officially due on March 17th…St. Patrick’s Day 🙂  I have an appointment for an ultrasound this Friday and they will be able to tell us how big she is…she feels huge but I know most Gastric Patients have smaller babies so we will see.

Speaking of Gastric Bypass and pregnancy.  That part of the journey has not come without it’s trials.  As I said,  March is our first wedding Anniversary…it will also be the third anniversary of my Gastric bypass and then of course Anna is due…March has become a big month for us…lol…although I am almost three years out at this point my stomach never did stretch…I can still only eat about 1/2 a cup to 3/4 of a cup of food at a time if it is a slider food.  This of course has proved a challenge with a little one on the way.  For the first several months I lost weight and then slowly began to put some on…all in all at 32 weeks pregnant I have gained 14 lbs… obviously not typical but I struggled physically and emotionally through every one of those pounds.  I fought hard to gain them and died a little each time I succeeded.  I know how important the nourishment is for the baby and I never tried to sabotage that or anything drastic…but the pregnancy has put me above the 200 mark.  Granted it is 204 but over it is over it and I know I will probably gain 5 or more pounds before all is said and done…I can’t tell you the anguish that accompanied the morning that I hit 200…200 is such an ugly number  to me…it was symbolic of hurt and pain and disillusion.  I am trying to associate a new meaning to it…one of health and joy and a happy baby.  That is a work in progress…It helps to know that once she has been born I am well equipped to take the weight off.  I have the tools and I will succeed again.

I am blessed.  So very blessed…at times it is easy to gloss over that and get lost in the comings and goings of the days and weeks and months but at the end of the day…once again God’s plans for me, and indeed my family have far exceeded any I had for myself.

Speaking of family.  Becky, my step-mom has been fighting breast cancer now for almost a year…it has not been easy.  She has had her mastectomy.  She has gone through the initial 5 months of chemo, she is finishing up 5 weeks of radiation and she has begun a residual year of chemo… unfortunately the Cancer she has feeds off of estrogen and certain proteins which make it a complicated beast to beat.  All in all she is doing a think as well as can be expected.  She was approved for Gastric Bypass, the same day she found out she had cancer.  It was not a good day as you might well imagine.  She is still approved and once they can get her anemia under control they have said she can go through with the surgery.  In fact it will probably help with her recovery.  I do not envy her…but am so proud of her and blessed to have her as a “mom”…if you could say a prayer or a thousand for her and my dad, I would be much obliged.

Also if you could say one here and there for Jason and Anna and I…I wouldn’t turn my nose up at those either.  We will have some tough decisions ahead of us soon…Jason needs to find a new job.  As he can’t work offshore and go to school and of course he wants to be home with the baby and I as well…so big changes to come in the year ahead for the Jaeger’s…

Anywho…I don’t know when I will post again.  It may be 2012…lol..I will try to not wait that long but I make no promises.

Prayers for you all out there in the blogging cosmos…whereas I may not show it as much as I once did…I value you all…thanks for being a part of my journey…you add depth and richness to my life’s journey.

xoxo…Jil

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6 thoughts on “…the sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow…there’ll be sun…

  1. Kim says:

    Always so thrilled to bits to read some of your eloquent writing, my friend! And I am so happy for you and Jason with being blessed with little Anna in just a few short months. My prayers are with all three of you and with your step mom as well. Cancer is such a battle and I so wish we could find a cure!
    I have never gone below the 200 mark, so I have no idea what the 100s feel like. BUT I just start Weight Watchers (not going to meetings or anything drastic but a friend got the tools for me) in the hopes of hitting that, what I believe to be magical, 199 number. I have gained about 10 pounds through all the church crap and the holidays and three of those I have taken off in the last few weeks. I’ll get there.
    Stay in touch! I love you!

    • justjil says:

      Thanks Kim…every journey is so unique…lol…you will get to your mark in time…in so many ways it is just a number…but then again…so much more. Thank you for the prayers and the friendship, they mean the world to me!

      I love you too!

      Jil

  2. Donna says:

    Hey there. So much of your post resonated with me. I got pregnant with my Daughter pre-surgery. I gained 14 lbs with my pregnancy and every pound just killed me as I saw that number 1-lb it’s way up — again that was pre wls surgery and it still killed me! I think pregnancy for anyone traveling a similar path from obesity to health would worry. If you didn’t worry, then I would think something is wrong! 🙂

    We always thought we’d have a second, but 4 years post-op and unresolved thyroid and hormonal issues have me wondering if I should have a second. It seems so selfish, but I worry my weight will increase, my health will decrease. I worry that my age, the fact that I’m a post op and have all those hormonal issues will impact the chances of having a healthy baby. I mean, I would love my baby no matter what, but knowing I we got pregnant when the odds weren’t in our favor, I would feel horribly guilty if my issues became my baby’s issues — so I struggle.

    You can do both; take care of you and that wee one inside and it seems like you’re managing to do the right thing and keep your head right about you. You’re gonna be a great Mommy!

    • justjil says:

      Thanks Donna…it has been a struggle as you said…it is particularly difficult I think for others that have not struggled with weight to fully understand the emotional trauma that comes with the weight gain. I try really hard to view it in the light that it needs to be viewed, some days are better than others. I worried too about the health of the baby…I am no spring chicken after all. I am 37 years old…I will be 38 this year and we would like to have another baby too. So we feel we have a timeline weighing against us. At the end of the day it is all in God’s hands and his plan…whether we like it or not (sometimes) will also be our plan…lol…

      Right now I am grateful for the health of this baby and I am focusing (when I can keep my eyes open) on bringing her safely into the world…we will think about a second baby once the waters have calmed a bit.

      I still find myself surprised sometimes that I am pregnant…

      I will do my best to view the future pounds I gain as we get closer to delivery day as what they are…a healthy baby in the making.

      I don’t envy your struggle…and I don’t think it is selfish at all to be concerned for your own health and the potential health of a child that you might bring into the world…you want to be the best mother you can be…I think recognizing the struggle before you face it and acknowledging the pros and cons are a healthy approach to the decision making process. We have struggled for our health. That is our reality…we don’t want to jeopardize that…because then we suffer, our families suffer and our friends and others who care for us suffer.

      I will pray for you guys as well…

      God Bless…Jil

  3. Janine says:

    Oh Jil, So happy to hear that you are having a baby. I think that Laurie mentioned it to me, but I had put it to the back of my mind.

    I love that you have posted again, and I can’t wait to see pictures when she is born.

    Take care

    Love from New Zealand

    Janine

  4. lacy says:

    Jilly bean…
    ah, when the day comes that this weight battle ceases, i fear it won’t even be on my mind cause I’ll be dancin’ with jesus.
    I know you always had a more restrictive pouch. These days, I long for that early feeling of satiety I got so quickly. I’d say at this point, I’m close to everyone else. I eat normal portions and not much more…but I’d like that super full feeling I used to get. I hope, my dear, that you know that each pound will come off with a little bit of thought and maybe some breastfeeding power! 😉 I love you!
    Lace

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