I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt…

I am tired…

This is not a wedding related post…

This is an “I’m tired of having my words twisted around” post…

This is an, “Is honesty really the best policy?” post…

Have you ever been too afraid to tell someone you love that you are worried about them and then you get the courage to do it and all of your fears of why you were to scared to tell them in the first place are confirmed…

Growing up I felt like the throw away friend.  I felt like most of my friends were too fragile to handle my thoughts or my fears concerning myself or them or my family so I kept most of that inside.  Fearful that if I was truly honest with them, they would not be able to handle that.  That it would be easier to abandon me…to just walk away, find a new friend that would tell them the things they wanted to hear…not someone that was going to call them on their BS…or just say you know I have been watching you and I am scared for you.  I have actually lost a few friendships over the years because I did not give them enough credit for being able to handle those truths…I also didn’t give myself enough credit, thinking that I was disposable, that my thoughts and values weren’t important enough to be able to stand up to the truths of an honest relationship/friendship…

I try hard not to devalue my friends that way these days.  It is still very difficult for me to be that kind of honest knowing what is at stake.  Knowing that sometimes people are that fragile.  It takes a lot out of me…months sometimes to reach the point where I get up enough courage to do it…but if I think it’s important enough…I will do it…no matter how scared I am….

And that is why it sucks so hard when it all goes down bad…when instead of helping, you end up tearing them down…and sometimes it doesn’t matter if it came from a good place…when the result is so sad…

Will be out under a rock somewhere tail tucked between legs..Roger Wilco…this is Jil the destroyer of souls..over and out…

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3 thoughts on “I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt…

  1. Kim H. says:

    Oh Jil – I’m sorry you’re feeling bad. Sometimes the truth has to be said – even though it hurts… in the long run, it might make a world of difference in the life of that person. Our pastor always says to speak the truth in the most loving way possible… I’m sure you did that – and from there it is up to that person how they choose to react and use the observation.

    I know you have a good heart – so no matter what it was – you did what you felt was in your friend’s best interests. That’s all you can do.

    Hang in there sweet lady!

  2. Kim says:

    Sometimes people just cannot hear our truths about them and some of them will never be ready. I fear confrontation so much that I rarely say what I think even if I am worried about a friend for whatever reasons. Some folks just get defensive so fast and it makes them forget or not think about the fact that we are saying things because we care.
    Sorry you are going through this and I hope the storm blows over soon.

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