Fly, fly little wing…

As some of you may know my boyfriend Jason, is currently out of the country working off the coast of Africa near the Congo and will not be home for about 22 more days…we talk each day and email every now and then.  This evening I happened to be writing to him about a plane trip I will be taking tomorrow to Kansas City.  It’s a big deal…it is one of the goals I wanted to achieve after the surgery…the significance of this ride is not lost on me…so I decided to share an excerpt from my letter to him (and by letter I mean email)…lol

“…I am excited about leaving for Kansas City tomorrow…have you ever been there?  It’s a nice place, for whatever reason I didn’t think I would like it the first time I went but I did and (my stepmom)Becky’s family is really nice…Mostly I am excited about flying…I actually hate to fly, it throws my equilibrium off and I stay queasy the whole time we are up in the air but I am excited because it will be the first time since the accident in ’94 that I will be able to fit in the damn seat without having issues…it will just be nice to be just a normal person…I know that must sound funny but you don’t know how mortifying it is to be squashed into a seat, and the arms of the seat are cutting into your legs and they hurt and then not even be able to buckle your own seatbelt because you are so friggin fat and everybody is staring at you and you just want to die because everybody is thinking poor little fat girl if she would just get off the couch and stop eating all those cheesecakes she would be able to fit in her seat, and you are sitting there and you know they are wrong but you can’t explain that so you just sit in shame and pretend that you got the seatbelt buckled because you are too embarrased to ask for a seatbelt extension…for the first time in 14 years I won’t be the poor little fat girl on the plane…It’s a big deal to me, no matter how silly it may seem…”

Mind you I know Jason doesn’t think it is silly, it’s just my fat girl defense mechanism to jump in there and devalue my own thoughts or feelings before I give someone else the opportunity to do so…sigh…when will that end?  It is getting better but it is still there…I sometimes wonder if it will ever truly go away…

Anyway…this post is really just to share a monumental WOW with all of you out there…and as a mini update…I am down to 212…from 378…(166 lbs lost so far) is that sick or what? : )…Oh…I have finally set a couple of goals that actually have numbers attached to them…my last goal was 255, which is what I weighed after I gained all the weight after the wreck, since I achieved that goal, I have just kind of been in goal-limbo…so my next goal, is to get below 200…I am hoping I can make it happen by Christmas but if I don’t, I don’t…and then my next goal will be to get to 189…which will mean I have lost exactly 1 half of my person…which is exceedingly weird to even think about…

And a shout out to all of the other Cut & Paste Girls…Meghan or is that with an “E”-AKA-Mini Meggs, Kim-AKA-Knitten Kittens, Laurie-AKA-Gastric girl, Lacylou (wherever you are) and Kim H…this journey would not have the clarity and significance that it has for me if it weren’t for all of you…

Love to you all…JustJil


5 thoughts on “Fly, fly little wing…

  1. Kim H. says:

    Jil, I am so excited for you!! I will never forget the first plane ride I took that had the same significance. No one else will know – but secretly when you get on that plane – you’ll be jumping for joy!

    I was thrilled when I sat on the plane and for the first time in my life – I didn’t have to worry about people judging me, being in their space, or the seatbelt issues. (John actually stole an extender several years ago – so we never had to ask again) But I still never wanted to use it… I’d just put my jacket or purse over my lap to cover that the belt didn’t fit. Then pray that we didn’t have any problems where I’d need to be wearing it… or that somehow they hadn’t installed some secret devise that told the flight attendants or pilot who didn’t have their belt buckled.

    Oh the mind games that use to be played… not to mention the stress, anxiety and fear that came along with it all. NO MORE my friend… and I only wish that Meg, (the other) Kim, Lacy, Laurie and I could be there to share in that moment with you… because we all know exactly what you’re talking about!

  2. Kim says:

    You will be rocking that plane ride, Jil! I’m so happy for how far you have come and where you are in life now. You are simply amazing!

    Happy Thanksgiving and have a safe flight, normal seatbelt and all! And yeah, what has happened to Lacy??


  3. Laurie says:

    Riding in a plane is definitely an exciting feeling… Next up, ROLLER COASTERS! We can sit side by side instead of having one seat for each cheek! hehe
    Love ya girlface! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and a safe trip! See you at the aeropuerto Saturday my dear! 🙂

  4. Jason Jaeger says:

    I love you Jil. I have will see you soon enough. I hope you have a great Thanksgiving Baby. I’m really starting to get home sick. Love Jason

  5. Meghan says:

    MiniMeggs… I love it! Maybe someday. 🙂

    Enjoy that flight! Be sure to put your tray down in front of you and wiggle around in the seat!!

    Dang, I didn’t realized you’ve lost so much already!! You’re rockin’ it!

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