…and so it goes




I live in a bustling city

Five million people strong

Traffic is a constant

The sights and sounds

Often enough can spin you

Into a dazed thoughtless state

Everything is so colorful

So fast

So loud

But today

Today the grinding relentless

Cacophony that is the city I so love

Is not enough to drown out my thoughts

On a day when I want more than anything

To lose myself

In the ebb and flow of city life

My thoughts are far louder

Than the busy streets around me

Most days I think we all tend to gloss over

The imperfections of our lives

The old silver lining

The cup is half full

Tomorrow is a new day

Rubbish…

Today I see my life for what it is

The imperfections

The shame

The failures

The whole lot of it

I wish I could quell the voices

Wish I could shake the doubt away

But try as I might…they remain

I am a good person, I know this

I really do

I have achieved many successes

I am independent

I am faithful

I am honest

I make a difference

My life means something

I know these things

But

I am almost 35 years old

And there is no amount

Of hustle and bustle

In this vibrant

Optimistic city

That makes me forget

For even a second

That I am alone

I am sure tomorrow will be better

I will once again begin

To unceremoniously shove

This great melancholy

Into a small

Nondescript

Shoebox

In my heart

File it away

Careless and haphazard

So that it takes awhile

To find it again

Somewhere down the road

I am sure

In a day or two

I will paste on a smile

Full pink lips

White teeth

Head thrown back in laughter

And I will mean it

Again everyone’s friend

But for today

In the city I love

Surrounded

By the people and places of my heart

I am just a sad girl

Alone

Mourning the loss of my dreams

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “…and so it goes

  1. Meghan says:

    “God will let you laugh again; you will raise the roof with shouts of joy!” Job 8:20

  2. Kim says:

    DO NOT mourn the loss of your dreams, Jil. Some dreams just take longer to be realized and God’s timing is not always our timing and we need to learn to be patient.
    And though I know what you are refering to, you also know that you are never, ever, alone.

    ((Hugs))

  3. Kim H. says:

    Oh Jil, I can sooo relate on some days… it’s hard sometimes to remember that God is on our side through the rough patches, but we both know that he is… he will pull you through this one like any other. He will provide just what you need in his own time – be patient, and it will come. (Boy, it’s easier to say that than to follow it myself… because I’m certainly getting impatient waiting for a job!)

  4. I hope this works – last few comments never came through!
    I know exactly what you mean with this poem, but at the same time, you are never alone! You have friends who think the world of you.. I know because I’m one of them! I’m so proud of you and so happy for your transformation before our eyes.. you are a blossoming flower! 😀

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s